Supporting the Supporters: Understanding the Lives of Partners of First Responders with PTSD

First responders—firefighters, police officers, paramedics, and EMTs—face danger and trauma daily. While we often recognize the sacrifices of these heroes, the struggles of their spouses and partners can go unnoticed. This article discusses the challenges faced by the partners of first responders who live with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and how they can find support while taking care of themselves, with a focus on resources available in Alberta. Focus Keywords used “resources for spouses of first responders”, “PTSD in first responders”, “Secondary PTSD for partners”.

A History of Understanding: PTSD and First Responder Families

Our understanding of PTSD in first responders and its effects on their families is fairly new. For a long time, mental health issues from job-related trauma were often ignored, hidden by a culture of silence and stigma. First responders, trained to handle crises, were expected to be incredibly strong, which made it hard to admit to the emotional impact of their work.

This had a big impact on their families. Spouses and partners, often the main source of emotional support, found themselves dealing with changes in behavior, emotional distress, and sometimes even the withdrawal of their loved ones, without really knowing what to do.

Secondary Trauma: The Hidden Wound

As people learned more about PTSD, they also began to understand its secondary effects. Spouses and partners are especially vulnerable to something called secondary traumatic stress (STS) or vicarious trauma. Secondary PTSD for partners of first responders happens because of their close relationship with someone who has experienced trauma.

Partners can experience this impact of vicarious trauma due to the emotional strain of living with a first responder who has PTSD. Hearing about dangerous situations and constantly fearing for their partner’s safety can contribute to this type of trauma. It is a silent burden, often not recognized or supported in the same way as the first responders themselves.

The SOS Program: Hope for Families

Although the past has been difficult, there are reasons to be hopeful. Programs like the SOS (Significant Others and Spouses) residential program, from the First Responder Support Network (FRSN), are a major step forward. This program understands the special needs of partners, offering intensive debriefing, peer support, and education about PTSD. The FRSN’s SOS program directly addresses the needs of spouses.

This approach recognizes that the well-being of a first responder is tied to the well-being of their family. Supporting the spouse helps the first responder’s recovery and resilience. Comprehensive treatment must include the primary support system, which is often the spouse.

A Continuing Need: More Resources Needed

Despite the progress, there’s still a lack of resources for spouses of first responders dealing with PTSD. A study in SAGE Journals shows that there are not enough programs and support networks designed for this group. This highlights the need for more advocacy, research, and specific programs to provide this crucial support. Family therapy designed for first responder families is recommended to reduce the long-term effects of secondary trauma.

The Unseen Struggles: Unique Challenges for Partners

Living with a first responder who has PTSD presents unique challenges for spouses and partners. These go beyond everyday stress, creating a complex mix of emotional, relationship, and social difficulties.

A. The Impact of Secondary Trauma

As mentioned before, secondary trauma is a major concern for partners. It’s more than just empathy; it’s absorbing the trauma experienced by their loved one. Constant exposure to traumatic events and the emotional impact on the first responder can lead to symptoms similar to PTSD: anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, sleep problems, and intrusive thoughts.

B. Emotional Ups and Downs

The emotional toll on partners goes beyond secondary trauma. Living with someone with PTSD can be an emotional rollercoaster. There might be days with anger and outbursts, followed by periods of withdrawal and emotional numbness. Partners often feel like they’re walking on eggshells, constantly adjusting to their loved one’s moods. This can be exhausting, leading to feelings of helplessness and resentment. The constant fear for their partner’s safety and hearing about dangerous events can cause mental health issues. Depression in healthcare workers and first responders is higher than average.

C. Changes in Relationships

PTSD can significantly change a relationship. Closeness, both emotional and physical, can be affected. Communication can become difficult, with misunderstandings, conflict, and a lack of emotional connection. The first responder might withdraw, leaving the partner feeling alone. Daniel Dashnaw Couples Therapy notes that PTSD can greatly impact the entire relationship, disrupting connection and communication. Roles and responsibilities might also shift, with the partner often taking on more household and childcare duties, adding to their stress.

D. The Problem of Stigma

The stigma around mental health support, especially in first responder culture, can negatively affect the family. First Responders might avoid seeking help, fearing it could harm their careers or reputations. This can prevent the entire family from getting support, leaving the partner feeling isolated and unable to talk openly about their struggles. Springhill MedGroup points out the difficulties that stigma, especially in first responder workplaces, can cause in getting support.

E. Feeling Alone: Social Challenges

The challenges faced by partners of first responders can lead to social isolation. Friends and family who don’t understand PTSD and secondary trauma might struggle to understand the partner’s experiences. Social events can be hard, as the first responder might have anxiety or triggers in social situations. This can leave the partner feeling isolated, lacking the social support crucial for well-being.

F. Financial Worries

PTSD can also impact finances. If the first responder can’t work due to their condition, the partner might have to take on the financial burden, working longer hours or taking extra jobs. This financial stress can worsen emotional and relationship problems, creating a cycle of pressure.

Ways to Heal: Proven Interventions and Resources

Supporting spouses and partners of first responders requires a comprehensive approach, including individual, couple, and family interventions, as well as support from organizations.

A. Individual Support: Helping the Partner

1. Therapy: Individual therapy offers a safe space for partners to process their experiences, develop coping skills, and address secondary trauma symptoms. Cognitive Behavioral Conjoint Therapy (CBCT) shows improvements in PTSD symptoms and relationship satisfaction, suggesting its benefits for partners.

2. Self-Care: Self-care is essential, not a luxury. Partners need to prioritize their own well-being to support their loved ones. Mind the Frontline stresses the importance of self-care for spouses to improve their well-being. This can include exercise, healthy eating, hobbies, spending time with friends, and practicing mindfulness.

B. Support for Couples: Rebuilding the Connection

1. Communication: Couples therapy can help improve communication and rebuild intimacy. Therapists can provide tools for effective communication, conflict resolution, and emotional regulation. Daniel Dashnaw Couples Therapy emphasizes the importance of communication skills in helping couples deal with PTSD.

2. Understanding Together: Couples therapy can help both partners understand PTSD and its impact on the relationship. This shared understanding can build empathy, reduce blame, and create a supportive environment.

C. Family Support: A Complete Approach

1. Family Therapy: Family therapy, tailored to first responder families, can address the wider impact of PTSD. The Rollins Counseling Center suggests family therapy to reduce the long-term effects of secondary trauma, highlighting the importance of a whole-family approach. These sessions can help family members understand PTSD, improve communication, and develop healthy coping strategies.

D. Using Psychological Interventions

Research shows that psychological interventions aimed at reducing PTSD, depression, and anxiety in first responders can also benefit their spouses. A study by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) suggests that addressing the first responder’s mental health can indirectly help the partner.

Organizational Support: The Role of Workplaces and Communities

Besides individual and family interventions, organizational support is crucial in creating a culture of understanding and providing resources for first responder families.

A. Peer Support: Strength in Numbers

Peer support groups, designed for spouses and partners of first responders, provide connection and shared understanding. Mind the Frontline emphasizes the importance of peer support for building solidarity and reducing isolation. These groups offer a safe space to share experiences, learn from others, and build a sense of community.

B. Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs): Confidential Help

Many first responder organizations offer EAPs that provide confidential counseling for employees and their families. After Action highlights the potential of EAPs to provide counseling and therapy options. These can be a valuable resource for partners seeking professional support without fear of stigma.

C. Specialized Support Services: Specific Programs

Specialized support services, like the SOS residential program from the First Responder Support Network (FRSN), provide intensive, targeted support for spouses and partners. The FRSN’s SOS program, mentioned earlier, offers a comprehensive approach, combining peer support, education, and therapy.

Building Resilience: Strategies for Long-Term Health

Supporting a first responder with PTSD is a long-term commitment. Building resilience, both individually and as a couple, is essential for handling the challenges.

A. The Importance of Peer Support:

Accessing peer support groups and online communities, as emphasized by Mind the Frontline, can provide ongoing support and a sense of belonging. These connections can be a lifeline during difficult times, offering advice, emotional support, and reminding partners they are not alone.

B. Seeking Professional Help:

Continuing with counseling and therapy, as suggested by After Action, can provide ongoing support and tools for managing PTSD and secondary trauma. Therapists can help partners develop coping skills, address relationship issues, and navigate the recovery process.

C. Making Self-Care a Priority:

Self-care should be a non-negotiable part of daily life. Mind the Frontline reiterates the importance of self-care for enhancing well-being and building resilience. This includes activities that promote physical health, emotional well-being, and stress reduction.

D. Recognizing Trauma Signs:

Partners play a key role in recognizing PTSD signs, both in themselves and in their loved ones. After Action stresses the importance of recognizing trauma signs and encouraging partners to seek help. Early intervention can improve outcomes and prevent symptoms from worsening.

E. Emotional Support:

It is important to have emotional support from others, such as peers, family, friends, or support groups.

Looking Ahead: Current Trends and Future Plans

The field of first responder mental health is constantly changing, with ongoing research and program development aimed at improving support for first responders and their families.

A. Expanding Access to Treatment:

A major focus is on increasing the availability of resources, including intensive outpatient treatment programs that combine therapies like prolonged exposure therapy, EMDR, physical activity, and psychoeducation.

B. Using Peer Networks:

Utilizing existing peer networks, like military spouse groups or first responder support communities, is another key trend.

Supporting a first responder with PTSD is challenging. However, by understanding the unique issues faced by spouses and partners, using available resources, and advocating for better support, we can help these individuals and build stronger families. The well-being of first responders is linked to the well-being of their families. By supporting the supporters, we support the entire first responder community. Reach out to Responders First today to begin your journey.

Don Davis

15+ years of emergency response experience. Passionate about connecting our first responder communities with critical resources. Author of hundreds of articles and guides on First Responders mental health care. When not responding to emergencies, you can find me playing with my dogs, hiking, or enjoying a good book.