Emotional Shutdown: The Quiet Struggle of Partners of Correctional Workers in Alberta

Correctional work is essential for public safety in Canada, but it has a significant impact that goes beyond the walls of correctional facilities. While we increasingly recognize the challenges faced by correctional officers, the deep impact on their partners and spouses often remains hidden. This is a quiet struggle, often characterized by emotional shutdown.

Understanding Emotional Shutdown

Emotional shutdown isn’t just feeling sad or stressed. It’s a protective mechanism, a way for the mind to cope with overwhelming emotional pain. When partners of correctional workers experience emotional shutdown, they become emotionally numb, disconnecting from their own feelings and the feelings of others. This isn’t due to laziness or a lack of caring; it’s the mind’s way of continuing to function.

Think of it like a dam holding back a large amount of intense emotions. As pressure builds up, it threatens to overwhelm the structure. Emotional shutdown acts like an emergency release, letting out the emotions to prevent a breakdown. However, this “release” has a cost: the range of emotions is replaced by emptiness.

What You Might See

This internal state shows itself in several ways. A partner experiencing emotional shutdown might show:

• Less Emotional Expression: Emotions like joy, sadness, excitement, and fear become less noticeable. Facial expressions might seem less lively, and spoken responses may lack emotion.
• Withdrawal from Social Activities: Activities and social events that were once enjoyable become sources of discomfort. The partner may isolate themselves from friends, family, and even their spouse.
• Avoiding Conversations About Work: Talking about the correctional worker’s job, even simple things, can be triggers. The partner might change the subject or give short answers.
• Less Interest in Shared Activities: Hobbies and routines once shared with the correctional worker lose their appeal. The partner might stop participating in joint activities, creating more distance.
• More Irritability or Anger: While emotional shutdown often appears as numbness, it can also show up as increased irritability or sudden anger. These reactions might seem out of proportion to the situation, reflecting underlying emotional issues.
• Physical Symptoms: Physical problems such as aches, pains, changes in appetite and recurring illness can all be connected to long-term stress.

Inside Their World

Internally, the partner may describe feeling:

• Numb: A feeling of emotional emptiness, like feelings are far away or can’t be reached.
• Detached: A sense of disconnection from themselves, others, and the world around them.
• Empty: A void where emotions used to be, leading to a sense of hollowness.
• Hopeless: A belief that things won’t get better, that the emotional numbness is here to stay.
• Helpless: A feeling of being unable to change their emotional state or the situations causing it.
• Overwhelmed: Even small stresses can feel too much to handle because of low emotional reserves.
• Less Empathy: Trouble understanding or sharing the feelings of others, including their partner and children.

Communication Problems

Communication changes significantly:

• Less Talking: The partner becomes more withdrawn, sharing less about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
• Avoiding Emotional Topics: Conversations about emotions are avoided, creating a barrier to closeness.
• Short or Dismissive Answers: Responses to questions might be brief, lacking detail or emotion.
• Trouble Expressing Needs and Feelings: The partner struggles to communicate their own needs and emotions, making communication even harder.

Understanding the Difference

It’s important to tell emotional shutdown apart from similar but different issues:

• Emotional Detachment: This is a broader term for having trouble connecting with emotions. Emotional shutdown is a deeper and often trauma-related form of detachment.
• Burnout: Burnout includes physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion from long-term stress. While emotional shutdown can be part of burnout, it focuses specifically on emotional numbing as a way to cope.
• Compassion Fatigue: This affects people in helping professions who are directly exposed to trauma. Emotional shutdown in partners is a secondary reaction to the correctional worker’s stress, not from direct exposure.

Emotional shutdown is a specific and serious response to the unique stresses faced by partners of correctional workers. It’s a way of protecting oneself emotionally, but it has significant consequences.

Causes and Contributing Factors

The causes of emotional shutdown are found in the challenging and sometimes dangerous world of correctional work. Understanding the stresses of this job is key to understanding why this protective mechanism develops in partners.

The Challenges of Correctional Work

Correctional officers in Alberta face several challenges:

• Exposure to Violence and Trauma: Correctional facilities can be tense and potentially violent. Officers may see or be involved in assaults, riots, and self-harm incidents. These events can be very disturbing and cause lasting trauma.
• Threats and Safety Concerns: The constant threat of violence and the need to be alert create a sense of unease. Officers must always be ready for potential dangers.
• Shift Work and Irregular Schedules: The odd hours and changing shifts common in correctional work disrupt family life. This can cause sleep problems, strained relationships, and trouble keeping a regular family schedule, creating high stress for the family.
• Stressful Workplace Culture: The strict structure and often negative environment in correctional facilities can add to stress and feelings of isolation. Officers may feel pressured to act “tough,” discouraging emotional expression.
• High Stress Work Environment: Correctional work exposes employees to conflict, aggression and high-pressure situations that can build into lasting stress.

Secondary Trauma

Partners of correctional workers experience these stresses indirectly through their loved one’s experiences. This is known as Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS).

• Hearing the Stories: Correctional workers may share their experiences with their partners, describing disturbing events or expressing their worries. While meant to connect, these stories can pass on trauma to the listener.
• Seeing the Aftermath: Partners notice the emotional and behavioral changes in the correctional worker – nightmares, irritability, withdrawal – and absorb the trauma’s impact.
• Living with Anxiety: The constant worry about the correctional worker’s safety creates long-term stress for the partner.

Vicarious Trauma

Vicarious trauma goes beyond STS. It changes the partner’s view of the world, affecting their sense of safety and trust. Because partners are experiencing vicarious trauma and emotional numbing, the partner may internalize the trauma, changing their beliefs about the world.

• Absorbing the Trauma: Through repeated exposure to the correctional worker’s experiences, the partner may internalize the trauma, changing their beliefs about the world.
• Loss of Safety: The partner’s sense of security can be damaged, leading to more anxiety, fear, and alertness.
• Changed Perceptions: The world may start to seem more dangerous, affecting the partner’s well-being.

Cumulative Stress

The ongoing, daily stresses of supporting a partner who is emotionally unavailable, along with worries about their job, create a heavy burden.

• Emotional Labor: The partner often carries the emotional weight of the relationship, giving support while receiving little in return.
• Household Responsibilities: The partner may handle more household tasks and childcare because of the correctional worker’s demanding schedule or emotional unavailability.
• Social Isolation: The partner may feel alone, lacking emotional support from their partner and possibly withdrawing from social connections.

Personal Factors

Certain factors can make a partner more likely to experience emotional shutdown:

• Attachment Styles: People with insecure attachment styles (anxious or avoidant) may have more trouble handling the emotional demands of the relationship.
• Coping Methods: Partners who use avoidance or denial as coping strategies may be more likely to shut down emotionally in response to stress.
• Personality: Individuals with traits, for example, lower resilience might be at a high risk of emotional shutdown.
• Correctional Worker’s Role: The specific tasks and risks of the correctional worker’s job can significantly affect the partner’s stress levels. A guard facing daily threats will likely cause different stress levels than an administrator.

Understanding how these factors interact – the stresses of correctional work, the secondary trauma experienced by partners, and personal vulnerabilities – is important for creating effective solutions.

Effects on Partners, Relationships, and Family

Emotional shutdown affects not only the partner but also the relationship and the entire family.

Impact on Partners/Spouses:

The emotional impact on the partner experiencing shutdown can be serious:

• Mental Health: Higher risk of depression, anxiety, and even PTSD symptoms in correctional workers from long-term stress and secondary trauma.
• Physical Health: Stress-related physical problems like sleep issues, headaches, digestive problems, and weakened immunity.
• Social Isolation: Withdrawal from social activities and relationships, causing loneliness and disconnection.
• Feelings of Resentment: Resentment towards the correctional worker for their emotional unavailability and the imbalance in the relationship.
• Loss of Self: The partner may feel they’ve lost their sense of self, their identity overshadowed by supporting their partner.

Strain on the Relationship:

The relationship between the correctional worker and their partner suffers:

• Less Closeness: Emotional shutdown creates a barrier to closeness, both emotional and physical. The lack of emotional connection weakens the relationship.
• More Conflict: Misunderstandings, arguments, and conflict may increase due to communication problems and the partner’s unmet emotional needs.
• Communication Breakdown: The inability to talk openly about feelings and experiences creates distance between the partners.
• Loss of Trust: The partner may lose trust in the correctional worker’s ability to be emotionally present and supportive.
• Feelings of Disconnection: A sense of distance grows between the partners, weakening the sense of partnership.
• Potential for Separation or Divorce: In extreme cases, the emotional strain and disconnection can lead to the relationship ending.

Impact on Children and Family:

Children in the family are also affected by the emotional environment:

• Emotional Distress: Children may experience anxiety, sadness, confusion, and behavioral issues due to the parent’s emotional unavailability.
• Trouble Understanding: Young children may struggle to understand the parent’s emotional distance, leading to feelings of rejection or insecurity.
• Strained Family Environment: The overall family atmosphere becomes tense, lacking the warmth and emotional connection children need.
• Modeling Unhealthy Coping: Children may learn unhealthy ways of coping by watching the parent’s emotional shutdown.
• Parentification: Older children may take on caregiving roles for younger siblings or the emotionally unavailable parent, putting too much responsibility on them.

The effects of emotional shutdown go beyond the individual partner, affecting the whole family and creating a cycle of emotional distress.

Finding Solutions

Dealing with emotional shutdown requires a mix of approaches, including personal coping strategies, therapy, and support systems.

Individual Strategies

Partners can take steps to manage stress and build emotional strength:

• Self-Care: Focusing on self-care activities like exercise, healthy eating, enough sleep, and relaxation is important for managing stress.
• Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help control emotions and lower anxiety.
• Setting Boundaries: Learning to set healthy boundaries with the correctional worker, like limiting exposure to work-related talk or setting aside time for self-care, is key.
• Seeking Social Support: Connecting with friends, family, or support groups can provide understanding and a sense of community. Partners can get connected through Alberta first responder support groups.
• Journaling: Writing down thoughts and feelings can help process emotions and gain clarity.

Therapeutic Help

Professional therapy can offer valuable support:

• Individual Therapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help challenge negative thoughts and develop healthier coping skills. CBT treatment for correctional workers has shown to work. Trauma-focused therapies, like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), may help with secondary trauma.
• Couples Therapy: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help improve emotional awareness and communication in the couple, building a stronger connection.
• Support Groups: Joining support groups for partners of correctional workers or first responders can provide a safe space to share experiences and learn from others. The Responders First directory has multiple listings of Alberta first responder support groups.

Support from Correctional Organizations

Correctional institutions play an important role in supporting the well-being of their employees and families.

Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) should be easy to access and offer services for correctional workers and their families:

• Family Counseling: Providing access to private counseling for both the correctional worker and their partner.
• Support Services: Offering resources and support groups specifically for families of correctional workers.

Correctional institutions should go beyond EAPs to create a supportive environment: Family Support Services: Creating workshops, and resources specifically for families of correctional workers. Education Programs: Teaching workers and families about STS, and emotional shutdown. Training: Providing training in stress management. Culture Change: Encouraging communication. Debriefing Offer critical stress debriefing to officers.

By investing in the well-being of their employees’ families, correctional institutions can create a stronger workforce, contributing to better safety and security in correctional facilities.

Gender Differences

The experience of emotional shutdown may differ based on gender:

Female Partners of Male Correctional Workers:

• Research shows that female partners may experience higher levels of STS and emotional distress. This could be due to societal expectations about emotional expression and caregiving, putting more pressure on women to provide emotional support.
• Women may also be more likely to internalize their partners’ trauma, leading to higher rates of anxiety and depression.

Male Partners of Female Correctional Workers:

• Male partners may face unique challenges related to traditional gender roles and views of masculinity. They may feel pressure to be “strong” and hide their emotions, making it harder to seek help.
• They may also face societal stigma for being in a relationship with a woman in a traditionally male-dominated job.

Dynamics and Differences:

• Relationship dynamics can vary greatly depending on whether the correctional worker or the partner is male or female. Communication, coping styles, and the division of emotional work may differ based on gender roles and expectations.
• More research is needed to fully understand the details of gender differences in this area.

Correctional Service Canada (CSC):

• CSC recognizes the importance of supporting employee well-being and offers resources for employees and their families.
• However, specific programs for emotional shutdown in partners need more investigation. It’s unclear if existing resources fully meet the needs of this group.

Alberta-Specific Factors:

• Alberta offers an employee and family assistance program to all public service workers.

Canadian Families and Corrections Network:

• This organization supports families affected by all parts of the criminal justice system (https://cfcn-rcafd.org/).

Research Gaps

Despite growing awareness of emotional shutdown, significant research gaps remain:

• Long-Term Studies: We need long-term studies tracking the impacts of emotional shutdown on partners and families over time. This would provide a better understanding of the long-term effects and help develop better interventions.
• Intervention Effectiveness: Careful evaluation of interventions specifically for partners of correctional workers is crucial. We need to find out which therapies and support services are most effective for this type of secondary trauma. It’s important to finding help for emotional shutdown to heal from Vicarious Trauma.
• Gender-Specific Research: More in-depth study of gender differences is needed. Understanding how gender roles and societal expectations affect the experience of emotional shutdown is important for tailoring interventions.
• Canadian/Albertan Context: Research specific to the Canadian and Albertan correctional systems and their impact on families is lacking. This local research is crucial for creating culturally relevant and effective support services.
• Role-Specific Differences: Further investigation into how the correctional worker’s specific role (e.g., guard, warden, probation officer) influences partner well-being is needed. This would help identify high-risk groups and tailor interventions accordingly.

• Qualitative Studies: More research into the experiences and stories of individuals Keywords: finding help for emotional shutdown.

Addressing these research gaps will improve our understanding of emotional shutdown and improve the lives of partners and families of correctional workers.

Moving Forward

Emotional shutdown in partners of Canadian correctional workers is a serious issue, a hidden burden carried by those who support the individuals working in our correctional system. By understanding the causes, recognizing the effects, and using effective strategies, we can break the silence around this struggle and build a stronger support network. This requires teamwork involving individuals, therapists, correctional institutions, and researchers, all working together to prioritize the well-being of these often-overlooked individuals and their families. The health of our communities depends not only on the safety provided by correctional workers but also on the well-being of their families, who are an essential part of the support system that allows them to do their challenging jobs.

If you are a partner of a correctional worker experiencing emotional shutdown, know that you are not alone. Reach out to Responders First for Alberta correctional worker mental health support and resources tailored to your needs. We are here to help you navigate these challenges and build a stronger, healthier future.

Don Davis

15+ years of emergency response experience. Passionate about connecting our first responder communities with critical resources. Author of hundreds of articles and guides on First Responders mental health care. When not responding to emergencies, you can find me playing with my dogs, hiking, or enjoying a good book.